"No Ragrets!"

A few weeks ago, I was faced with an agonizing decision. I could stay in Scotland until the end of the school year on June 29th, attend the Form VI programme full of trips and seminars, and play in the orchestra for the Spring Musical, or I could leave early to accept a job offer for Culver Summer Schools, see my family again for the first time in 10 months, and enjoy some time with some much-missed Culver friends. Both options were honestly of equal value to me, and it was painful to choose of the two. But since I had to be back in Culver by the 10th of June to accept the offer, I had to pick one of the two.

In the end, after contemplating, reflecting, and admittedly crying a little, I decided to come home early. It was the first time that I had actively thought about returning home, which made me more homesick than I've ever been here (funny-- doesn't that usually happen at the beginning of a journey?). I've worked at Culver for the past three years, and I couldn't bear being left out of it this year. Plus, it was hard enough not seeing my siblings for this long: when presented with the two options, I can't be blamed for choosing the one that would enable me to see them again.

So, is there anything I wish I could did--or didn't do-- on my gap year? Honestly, not too much. In other words, I definitely wasn't this guy:

Okay, back to seriousness. I do feel as though I could have taken harder classes this year. A small part of me had thought at the time that I wasn't smart enough for the course load, but I was pleasantly surprised at my academic efficiency that I had gained from Culver. If I had to do the year again, I would have taken Advanced Higher Modern Studies instead of just Higher, and maybe taken another new course like Psychology instead of staying safe with a Politics class. I guess I'll have to wait until IU to be really challenged, but it was nice to have a "year off" studying.

Even though I was still actively involved in musical activities at Dollar, I do regret not taking private music lessons here. It wouldn't even have to be cello-- I could have picked up a new instrument, like the flute (or, dare I say it, the bagpipes). I don't feel as though I improved that much musically, and my hands are visibly less calloused than they were at the end of my Honors in Music concert last year. But I don't worry about it too much; music is always there for me. My own cello is waiting patiently for me in my room in Culver.

Lastly, I wish I had kept in better touch with my Culver friends. It was great to be so close to Kary and I thoroughly enjoyed our visits, but I could have reached out more to so many people: Clare, Anne, Katie, Morgan, everyone. Although it doesn't feel like it, it's been almost a year since we walked through the famed gate and arch together. One of the first things I am doing when I get home is call them all up, head straight for the coffee shop, and have a nice, long conversation. The best thing about Culver relationships is that they are always there, no matter how long it's been, so I'm not too worried about this either.

Of course I wanted to end the year strong, dance at the summer ball, attend the house barbecue. I'll dearly miss all my friends here, and I'll miss Europe's culture that made me feel at home for so long. But the thing is, I truly feel like I've accomplished all that I wanted to on my exchange year. I don't have any burning desires to experience anything else, and I feel like I've gotten everything I can out of being here. The items on my bucket list are virtually all checked off. I was able to make irreplaceable friends...

Finally see a precious highland cow...

...Travel to a bunch of famous places...

...Feel content with myself...

...And in the next few weeks, I'll hopefully be able to climb a Scottish munro, something that I really wanted to do here.

So all in all, I'm content with my decision. As cheesy as it sounds, I feel in my heart that this is not the last experience here: someday, I will return. It could be the Dollar Class of 2017 10-year reunion, or it could be in my future career. Who knows? I'll thoroughly enjoy enjoy the last month I have here, just as much as I will enjoy finally coming home at the end of the year. This is not the end. In fact, I think it's just the beginning.